Saturday, January 4, 2014

A car thief costs me $340 and convinces me that I'm going mad

I locked my keys in my car the other night. I'd left them on the passenger seat. I decided to deal with it in the morning. 

In the morning my car had been stolen. 

I called insurance to find out that theft wasn't covered. I called my mother and told her to cash in my mutual funds. Finally, I found my car title with my license number and called the police. 

The police told me that my car hadn't been stolen. My car had been towed for blocking someone's driveway. I began to worry about my sanity because I had a very vivid memory of parallel parking legally between two cars: the only street sign had said, ”No Littering;” the curb had been present and grey. What's wrong with me?  My mind must be slipping...  

I went to get my car from the tow yard. I asked if they could get my keys out of my car as I'd locked them inside and I couldn't find my spare. They said that I'd left the driver's side door unlocked and showed me the keys in the ignition. They asked me if I'd been drunk, but I'd been totally sober and apparently just going out of my mind... something must be wrong with my brain.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN?!?!?

It cost me $340 to have my car towed and pay the ticket for blocking a driveway. I've spent days worrying about what's wrong with me.

This morning, I finally realized what must have happened!

I DID lock my keys in my car! A thief saw my keys on the passenger seat, broke into my car, attempted to steal my car, couldn't drive a manual transmission, stalled out the car probably 20 feet from where I'd parked it, left the keys in the ignition, left the door unlocked and left my car blocking a drive way!

So I'm out $340, but that's alright as MY CAR SHOULD HAVE BEEN STOLEN but some crack head couldn't drive a stick shift.

AND (more importantly) I'M NOT CRAZY! I can stop sadly questioning the state of my brain! I can trust the information my brain is sending me to be accurate again! I'm not having terrible acid flashbacks! I'M NOT CRAZY!

In fact, not only am I NOT crazy, but also I'm basically Sherlock Holmes using my incredible deductive reasoning to solve mysteries. AND I can drive a manual transmission. 

1 comment:

  1. In this fashion my colleague Wesley Virgin's report launches in this SHOCKING and controversial VIDEO.

    Wesley was in the military-and soon after leaving-he revealed hidden, "mind control" secrets that the government and others used to get anything they want.

    As it turns out, these are the same methods many celebrities (notably those who "became famous out of nowhere") and top business people used to become rich and famous.

    You've heard that you utilize only 10% of your brain.

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    Maybe this thought has even taken place INSIDE your own brain... as it did in my good friend Wesley Virgin's brain 7 years back, while driving a non-registered, trash bucket of a vehicle with a suspended license and $3.20 on his bank card.

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    You've taken part in those types of thoughts, ain't it right?

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