Thursday, August 29, 2013

Dear Friend - Life in Los Angeles


Dear Friend

Silver Lake is amazing. I finished the first draft of my TV show pilot and I have a Vegas friend, a writer for Penn and Teller, and one of the funniest men I know, looking over it this week and telling me how I can improve it. So, I’m now working on supporting documents for the show. I’m writing Treatments (detailed outlines) for the next 2 episodes, and creating a “story bible” with the characters and descriptions of the world they live in.

I’m also trying to improve my ability to write comedic sitcoms. I’m analyzing some of the best sitcoms figuring out their formulas and analyzing their characters. My improv classes are amazingly helpful in this. Through improv, I am gaining a much better understanding of comedic characters and scenes. Practically every decent comedic performer and writer studies improvisation.

It seems much easier to be successful in this industry now that I’m actually in LA. As long as I keep writing and producing and never stop then it’s going to go really well. I get better at writing every day. I meet other writers that are already successful and have careers that I aspire to. And I meet writers that are just okay and still have jobs.

These last months in LA have truly been some of the happiest of my life. There’s so much to do and learn here. Every creator I’ve ever wanted to meet who is alive right now lives in the same place I do. It’s the most amazing feeling.

Every Sunday, I’ve been going to the live podcast of Dan Harmon, the creator of the TV show Community. Community is definitely one of the best comedy shows on television, and by showing up over an hour early, I get to sit in the front row to listen to Dan and his friends discuss what their lives are like. It’s incredibly inspiring. It reminds me of Movie Night in Las Vegas with Penn Jillette and his/my friends – both Dan and Penn are loud successful creative geniuses surrounded by opinionated funny people – but Dan is an often-depressed alcoholic while Penn has never touched a drop of alcohol. Also, Penn was my friend, and I, so far, just pretend that these people are my friends.

My yoga practice has improved since I’ve moved here as well. I haven’t taught a class since April, which has given me the opportunity to have my own practice where I can focus on my breath and meditate. It’s a bit hard, because I love yoga and writing equally, and I wish I had two lives – one where I could focus on my writing and one where I focus only on yoga. I don’t know which would make me happier. But, I’ve started to miss teaching now, so I’m going to try and find a yoga instructing job – I’m sure a gym would hire me. I’m a really good instructor for my 2 ½ years of teaching. The studio yoga instructors have all been teaching for at least 10 years it seems, and I’d have to practice and learn a lot more to get one of the best teaching jobs. But, that’s one of the best things about yoga – it teaches me to live in the present and enjoy breathing and all of the amazing people and places I’m experiencing, and at least I try not to project myself too much into a future where there will simply be new problems and new rewards.

I’m going to be signing up for Central Casting maybe next week. Central Casting does the background casting for TV shows and movies. So since I’m a pretty girl who can play between 18-30-something probably, I should be able to get a lot of work as an extra. That way I can still have a free schedule, make some extra money, and be on film sets so I can learn more about the process.

I already have one amazing and connected friend out here, my friend from college Harry. He’s been writing/directing/producing films since he was 14 in Chicago. When my Vegas friend is done helping me with my TV show pilot, and I think it’s really as good as I can make it, then I can show Harry and I think Harry will know how to help me with what to do next.

I already have a lot of friends here. There is a group of pretty, super great girls from my college who all live right by each other on the beach, and I’ve been going to stay them on weekends. We listen to music together and drink on the beach. A lot of friends from college, or people I’ve met through happenstance. For example, I have one friend out here who produces cool reality shows for the food network and discovery channels and I met him my Sophomore year of college when a friend of mine was on a really awful Playboy TV show. I had a magazine I was “running” at the time, and I hit it off with the men working on the show and they let me follow them around for the week to write an article. And it would seem more people move here every day.

I’m still working on finding a group of really great funny writers with which to collaborate and spend all of my time, but I’m sure it will happen soon.

Last night, I went by myself to see one of my favorite bands play – Alt-J. It was a wonderful experience. I was crying and dancing and singing along with thousands of people. Music is so good live. Even when I go to listen alone.


I miss you. I’ll see you soon. I hope.

Leah


Friday, August 16, 2013

Writing process for The Yoga Stripper


  • Thursday
  • Leah 
    hi Laila! how are you? ive been seeing all your posts regarding "the yoga stripper" and i'm very curious! is it a memoir? i've always thought about writing a book, but i can barely get enough cohesive thoughts together for an essay (i'm more of a poet...) im just curious about your writing process and how everthing came together. i know this is kind of a random message so i totally understand if you're super busy with everything but i'd love to chat sometime! thanks girl! take care - leah

    • Today
    • Laila Lucent
      hey Leah!
      yes. it's a memoir. This is the amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/The-Yoga-Stripper-Memoir-Namaste/dp/1482000091/
      writing process... I moved to Vegas knowing I wanted to write something about stripping, or at least I decided that on the car ride over, but I didn't know what the story was. So, I just lived my life, made a lot of poor decisions, was really lonely, and tried to teach myself to write screenplays. I wrote a really terrible movie about stripping that hopefully no one will ever read.
      After a year in Vegas, I started writing the book. By then I knew what I wanted to say about stripping. The points I wanted to get across. That you can either be used or empowered... in stripping and in the rest of your life and it's YOUR CHOICE. and a lot of other little points... about the importance of self-reliance... perception/misperception... the religious patriarchal undertones of our society that want to control my behavior...
      So then... that's what I wanted to say... so I listed the stories that made the points I wanted to make and the moments where I'd messed up or learned lessons that I was willing to share with everyone... It's always best to show instead of tell. And make them laugh or they'll kill you..
      And then there's even a vague character arch. Not enough for a tight movie... not too much causality and no climax... but enough of an arch where I started off my journey alone and lost and ended it with friends and in control. I think the arch in a story is the most important part or it's not really a story at all. just a bunch of things happening. Someone needs to grow and change. Someone needs to learn something new.
      After I had all of the stories written it was almost another year before I got the damn thing out into the world. A LOT of editing. A LOT of chapters were cut. A LOT of minutia. A LOT of help from friends.
      I'm really proud of the final product. Definitely a good start to my career. Hopefully I can keep making more art I'm proud of and eventually make a living that way
      Let me know if this was what you were asking
      xx Hope you're great. I'm glad I weirdly stalked you into being my friend all those years ago.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Art and Achieving True Liberation


  • A Message from a Facebook Friend at 2 a.m. last night
    What is it about your life that intrigues me lol. I envy all that you've done. I'm working on mine with the singing and whatnot. But to be truthful I do not feel I'm ok looking nor know how to be lol. I want to write a book. To know that I'm appreciated. Ha ok ill stop talking.
  • Today
  • Laila Lucent
    thanks
    I've actually been thinking about this lately... fucking money man. A lot of us are artists, but to become any good at your art, to be able to make real money off of it, can take years... and maybe that will NEVER happen. So... then you need to find a job in order to live on, and you're too tired to do any art, cause all of your time is invested in eating.
    I had the "good" fortune of having my sexuality to sell... but that takes something else other than time away, but then at least I have time to get myself free... achieve true liberation, whatever fucked conception of that idea I have in my mind.
    it's so easy to just give up. but fuck that, cause there's no point to any of it, and if art is your point to it then you can never give up art... i just wish it didn't need to be about the money or the success... I hope I have money soon from my writing. I made a couple thousand on the book so far, but obviously that pays for less than 2 months in LA. so you know. the hustle continues. My looks begin to fade. The clock ticks along.
    I'm writing a really really cool tv show now, so hopefully that'll make me money or get me something I want.
    Anyway, I meant I'm happy you're working on singing and whatnot and I hope you can make art for art's sake and not for any other reason..
    And honestly, writing a book is kind of a shit way to get appreciated these days. haha but it does make me feel a little bit warmer on cold nights and it's certainly given me more confidence going into future projects.
    Have a good day

Tips for OK Cupid Dating From A (Former) Las Vegas Stripper




(any photos for this article, other than mine, have been taken from actual OK Cupid Profiles.)

This is me! 



Am I an expert on relationships? Hell no.

Am I an expert on catching and keeping the attention of people of the opposite sex? Abso-friggin-lutely.

For 2.5 years, my job was to compete for the attention of men with thousands of the hottest, craziest women you’re ever going to meet. And I made a lot of money by being great at my job. 

table service @ACT nightclub with my "competition" (I'm in the bottom right)
And I want to help you appear cooler and get laid more often, cause then everyone would be in a better mood, and they’d be nicer, and the world would be better, and it would all be because of this incredibly useful blog post.


Here’s how your OK Cupid profile sucks and how you can EASILY make it better:

These are THE ONLY THREE reasons people, other than your family, want to hang out with you:

1)   SEX: They find you physically attractive. Bang bang bang.

2)   SOCIAL: They want to hang out with you and your friends because you all seem cool and look like a helluva lot of fun… or if you’re not into fun… then you all have shared interests.

3)   TASK: Whether through talent, skills, money, work ethic, or connections, you can help this person complete a task. Yes, remaining housed, clothed and fed is a task.

That’s it. That’s the whole shebang. Be in denial if you’d like. You’re wrong, and I’m right. Because this is the truth of the matter, and the more you’re able to improve your life in these three categories the more attraction you will create.

Don’t say some nonsense like, “What about someone liking me for me?”

THIS IS YOU. And if you can’t see that, then I’d imagine your life could use a bit more focus and hustle. 

So how can you better trick people into believing you excel in all three of these areas in the online dating world?

SEX

PROFILE PHOTO:

DO find your best headshot and make that your profile picture. 

If you’ve got the dough, I recommend paying a professional to take one for you. I can’t overemphasize the value of good lighting… and photo shop.

omg. so dreamy!

DON’T have other people in your profile photo. 

This reads as insecure. You’re not enough to attract me on your own?

Can I get your buddy's #? 

Other Photos:

DO pick two photos of you at your most attractive. 

With photos, go for quality instead of quantity. If you don’t know which ones these are, then ask a friend, or even ask me through email at theyogastripper@gmail.com


DO have AT LEAST one photo of you smiling or you’ll look creepy. 

Also, I want to check out your teeth. :D


DON’T take self-shot headshots or full body shots. 

You'll appear to be a delusional vapid narcissist, or a shut in who doesn’t know even one friend who would take a photo of them.


SOCIAL

OTHER PHOTOS:

DO have a photo with attractive friends. 

I’m sure your friends are all super cool and talented people, but I CAN’T SEE THAT ONLINE. If you’re posting a photo with friends (not necessary), I’m assuming you’re using your friends as an enticement for me to get to know you better… so make sure your friends look enticing.

How much fun would this be?!

DO have photos of you traveling to places and doing activities. 

Any proof that you’ve left your house to DO SOMETHING increases your social value.

This guy was in Canada! 

DON’T post photos of you standing awkwardly by a celebrity 

I’m not impressed that you met someone interesting at one time.


DON’T (if you’re a guy) post photos with you and a lone hot girl

  I’m not impressed you met a hot girl at one time.


DON’T repeat photo types. 

You don’t need five different photos of you with five different people I don’t know. And I especially don't need 5 different head shots at 5 different angles. 

this is how he looks close up, in case you were wondering

ABOUT YOU:



DON’T list every random TV show and movie and thought that’s ever crossed your mind. 

A broad list of other people’s creations doesn’t help anyone know or like YOU. Feel free to list bands, TV shows, what have you… but they better be really awesome and somehow speak to your personality. 


DON’T answer every question in detail. 

It looks as though you’re trying too hard and are a bit desperate. It’s okay to occasionally be brief or to not answer at all. Answer what questions you like and a few in detail. 


TASK


DO post photos of you playing instruments, cooking a meal, fixing a car, on a sweet yacht, in any country in Europe, by a nice house… etc. etc. etc.


DO talk about/list the 5 (up to 10) things that are truly important to you in your life. If your interests are super numerous and varied then when did you have the time to be good at any of them?


DO mention how you spend a lot of time at either learning or working or on building shit for Burning Man…  

something specific… not just in general. Show you've invested time into something important to you.


DON’T explicitly write that you’re talented, skilled, have money, have work ethic, or have connections… 

because if it was true, you wouldn’t need to tell people, and bragging makes you look like a try-hard dbag.



Okay, now go fix your profile. And have fun. And don’t worry about rejection. EVERYONE gets rejected. Having worked as a Spearmint Rhino stripper, I can pretty much guarantee that I HAVE BEEN REJECTED WAY MORE THAN YOU HAVE. Rejection builds character. And once you lose your fear of rejection, you become all the more attractive and wonderful.  

Good luck.